April 12, 2007

• I just got a man arrested.  Fuck yeah.

  
  

  When I was going to get a haircut earlier, the parking lot was full and I had to park somewhere else.  I saw a disabled-persons minivan (ones with the mechanical ramp and stuff) QUADRUPLE-parked on a regular parking spot (all the handicap spots were wide open), the van was sitting diagonal in 4 spots, where others could have parked.  Look, I'm sympathetic towards the disabled (I know a few myself), but that doesn't give them the right to take up FOUR parking spots, especially in a parking lot thats usually crowded.  So as usual, I decided to be the asshole and leave a nice little note on their windshield-- believe me, I was very polite in that note, simply because the van belongs to a disabled person.  In fact, the note, word-by-word, read:

  
  

  "Please use the designated parking area, they are usually open and therefore you won't take up anyone else's parking spots.  Thank you.   --A Concerned Driver"

  
  

  So I walk into the hair salon and sign in, and out of nowhere, a short, grumpy middle-aged man grabbed me and tried to shove me into the wall while pinning that piece of paper I just wrote on my chest.... all while cursing at me.  I don't need to explain what I had to do in self-defense, but lets just say I had to pay $45 bucks for damages done to the store while manhandling him.  I didn't feel bad for him, even if it was his car-- I wouldn't really have minded him cussing me out to a certain extent, but instead he resorted to physical confrontation-- that is just unforgiveable, and I was acting in no more than self-defense.

  
  

  After exchanging a few hostile words (I even said sorry for putting the note on his car, no need to get physical here), he walks back to his car.  As it turns out, THE VAN DID NOT BELONG TO HIM.  NO!  It was just some nosy good-samaritan asking for a death wish by physically assaulting someone!  Now I REALLY wished that I had ripped out his spinal cord on the spot when he first laid a finger on me.  He went into a red Hummer H2 across the end of the parking lot where I could see him, and sat there the entire time.

  
  

  An hour later after I was done waiting (forever) and getting my haircut, the crazy toolbag was still sitting out there in his H2, evil-eyeing me as I walked back to my car.  I don't know what the fuck he's up to, but I did not hesitate to call the cops and take down his plate number.  I waited until the cops came by, walked them over to the man's truck, and the cops took us into the hair salon where we were both questioned, along with the witnesses-- and finally they cuffed him and took him away for charges of aggrevated assault.

  
  

  I find out from the cops later that he has three previous charges of domestic violence and assault (gee what a flippin' surprise), and he's definately looking at some jail time, as long as I'm willing to testify against him.  My response?

  
  

  "I hope your asshole rots in jail, tough guy."

  
  

   

  
  

  Seriously now, what the hell is WRONG with people?

  
  

  .......................................

  
  

  EDIT

  
  

  I just realized something-- I'm getting old.  I thought to myself, "what would I have done 4 years ago?"  The outcome would obviously be much more different, especially on the violence scale.  Well, age doesn't mean that you still won't act on impulse, like the aforementioned asshole.  But sometimes when you're about to make a conscious choice that will determine the outcome of a problem, you just have to think to yourself....

  
  

  "What would Chuck Norris do?"

  
  

  Our friend definately followed those words of wisdom, which ended up into something like one of those Dave Chappelle's "When Keepin' it Real goes Wrong" skits.

  
  

  What I'm trying to say is, unless you're the Chuckmeister himself-- kicking ass and taking names while chewing bubble gum will sometimes get you into a lot of trouble.

  • 1:44 am
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