You’ll spend half your adult life sitting in rush hour traffic.  Just like me.

My overall blood pressure levels increase by a .00001% every day but given enough time that’s probably going to hurt.

You think they’ll let me use that to claim for disability with the VA traveling to-and-from work?  Ha.

Saepe exertus, semper fidelis, frater infinitas.

Often tested, always faithful, brothers forever.

…………………………..

I actually completely forgot I had a xanga page until an email showed
up in my account saying that I got automatically billed for xanga
premium.  That’s $20 I’ll never see back again.

Did you know I was still alive? Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

Facebook and Twitter are the new craze these days.  What happened to
the days of blogging about useless daily ramble and complaining about
your life without hesitation on blogging sites?

Wait that’s right.  I forgot to take account of the diminishing attention span of the American Society these days.  160 characters for a “tweet”?  Please.

Speaking of attention span, time to take those new Domo cups I got and go back to 7-Eleven for a refill on my Monster Slurpee to keep me up the rest of the night for the exam + paper due today.  Insomnia FTW.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/yakuzamonkey

I decided to make a page for just random photos that I take.  Check it out if you’re extremely bored or if you need an excuse to procrastinate.

Just another friendly reminder of why I don’t like this holiday at all– I don’t believe in holidays that have the initials of ‘VD’.

If I see Cupid wander into my household, I’m turning his sorry ass into a cooked pigeon with multiple shotgun blasts.  Then I’ll crucify his body in front of my girlfriend’s house if she asks why I’m in a pissy mood today.

So for the rest of you who buys into this holiday, I hope your date tonight gives you gonorrhea.  Happy Clap hunting!

Apparently this new Facebook plague that emerged over the past month known as “25 Things About Me”
has spread relentlessly like the T-virus in Raccoon City (if you don’t
get that reference then go kill yourself). I don’t get why everyone is
so willing to participate in this narcissistic venture of publicly
revealing some of their deepest darkest secrets that other people
probably did not want to know in the first place. Others include
useless information about them that we probably don’t even care, nor
bother reading.

So I came up with a new idea. I am going to list 25 of the things that
I wish I never knew about my friends, ranging from utterly retarded to
downright disturbing. For the safety of these people (and myself), I
shall keep the names anonymous, only listing their gender. Here are the
top 25 most disturbing things I have found out within the past month.
These are all real, although I wish some of them were not.

—————–

1. [female] I have eczema.

2. [female] I’ve been on 2 deployments. Afghanistan was by far the more
dangerous (many, many rocket attacks) compared to Iraq… but I wish a
rocket would’ve landed on my head when I was out in Iraq.

3. [female] I used to want to be a body builder… until one of my
friends, whom saw me without a shirt on and I was flexing for her,
noted that my back looked like a man’s back and she said it was
gross… Yeah, I felt real good about myself then. I immediately
stopped working out.

4. [male] once upon a time, [XXX] tried to hook me up with one of her
friends. unbeknownst to me, her friend had a boyfriend. said boyfriend
tried to kill me in my sleep. unbeknownst to him, i’m a goddamn ninja.

5. [male] I have a 6 computer network self-study lab in my apartment.

6. [male] I once dated a girl with genital herpes.

7. [male] i was kissed by a midget transvestite in thailand.

8. [male] I need to get circumcised sometime this year… my new religion says that I have to do it.

9. [male] Why does my back hurt, you ask? Yea I’m an old man, thanks.
The biggest reason is… I crash landed from a night parachute jump in
the Army. Broke a couple of bones and slipped a bunch of random stuff
out of place.

10. [male] I happily wear the label “bleeding heart liberal.”

11. [male] I sometimes have dreams about different ways to hurt, maim, or kill my ex wife.

12. [female] I see freaky things sometimes in my mind. They’re very
graphic depictions of terrifying things that I have never before seen
in my life. Sometimes I just close my eyes and these images just burst
into my head very sharply for like 1/10th of a second. I’ve never seen
the same image twice.

13. [male] I have a pretty nasty case of PTSD from my 3 tours in Iraq.
I’ve almost killed people from bouts of anger, depression, or just
because I was piss drunk. Don’t worry, I’m not going to do it….yet…
lol.

14. [female] My ex-roomate in college was manic depressive. I once came
home to find her lying in the bathtub naked, crying, and smearing dog
food all over herself. And that wasn’t even the wierdest thing she has
done before.

15. [female] i have put someone into a mental institution before.

16. [female] i am 4’11″ & 1/2 tall & less than 110 lbs., but
i’m pretty sure i can out eat most normal sized guys in one sitting.

17. [female] shhh. (i clog toilets)

18. [female] I once had an ovarian cyst taken out and was told by the
Doctor that it contained (amongst other stuff): red hair, blond hair,
and teeth. Weird. Maybe that’s where my 4th wisdom toof went…

19. [female] I used to go to the club so often with my friends that I
got too lazy to constantly shave my legs, especially in the summer. So
I just shaved up to the Capri pant leg. Ha. Its genius and you know it.

20. [male] I flirt with everyone, guys and girls.

21. [male] I like romantic comedies: My Sassy Girl is one of my favorite movies

22. [male] I have three mobile phones and 5 sim cards. But at any given time, I’m only using 3 of them.

23. [male] I have eaten 21 quarter-pound burgers in one sitting on a dare

24. [female] I have cheated on all of my exes before.

25. [female] My cousin committed suicide by blowing his head off with a shotgun. No joke.

Donate toys, or be a bitch!

As you all may or may not know, I was tasked to be in charge of Toys for Tots for Annapolis and Prince Georges county districts in Maryland this year for planning and coordination of special events, working alongside Ms. Dawn Stem (the civilian coordinator). It was a long and arduous process, and with the limited staff support I had, I basically worked my ass off to ensure that these events didn’t suck. Unfortunately it sucked like hell for me, doing this job full-time while also going to school full-time…. and I was not getting paid any extra for volunteering for Toys for Tots.

However, I did learn a few things over this past month– it has been a crazy learning experience, and if any of you who never had experience in this or has been there with me, I hope you can walk away with these lessons learned.

1. Dress Blues are NOT waterproof. And if you’re wearing Under Armour thermals, it only works when its dry– but once it gets wet, you’re done.

2. This is a three-part lesson.
2.a. Planning and coordination really sucks when you have less than 10 reserve Marines to handle and they are busy with their regular lives on the weekdays in the daytime. Ironically, all of the events I could get were daytime weekday events.

2.b. In direct correlation with (2.a.), getting my own Marines to sign up for events to volunteer is like twisting their arms, putting them in figure-four headlocks with a gun pointed at their genitals. You’ll have an easier time teaching your puppy not to shit on the carpet.

2.c. With that said, when people call/email in asking for Marines to go to their events, they tend to do it last-minute. Like this lady will call me wednesday morning asking me if I could send some of my Marines over this afternoon for her event….. You must be out of your crack-smoking mind, lady! I can’t even get my Marines to sign up for events a WEEK from now, what makes you think I can get them here this afternoon?? Go away.

3. Begging and groveling really works, whether over the phone or over the emails to try and convince your friends outside of the unit to help you out, or to get your way with these people who wants you to organize events for them (and you don’t really feel like playing by their rules). Try it out if you need something done with whatever it takes, even if you must put your dignity on the line. You get used to it!

4. Another three-parter:
4.a . Prince Georges County in MD is a ROUGH neighborhood. It is virtually an extension of West Baltimore and South-east Washington DC, if you ask me. There’s a reason why we have our warehouse and distribution center right at the PG County Police Department headquarters.

4.b. There are alot more people with prior arrest records and outstanding warrants out for their arrest than you can imagine out in PG County. Especially when they find out that their toys are ready to be picked up at the PG County Police Department.

4.c. Along with (4.b.), some residents of PG County actually believe that Toys for Tots is an elaborate sting operation, where you pick up the toys and then the cops bust you once you leave the area with the free goodies. Now that I think about it, its not a bad idea at all!

5. Two Parts:
5a. Mothers below the poverty line tend to have more than 5 kids. This is a pain when trying to bundle up toys for some mom who’s trying to get all 8 of her kids toys. EIGHT kids… you don’t need toys, you need lessons in birth control.

5b. 18 year olds kids?? Are you serious?? No check that, I had a 20 year old in line trying to get toys. Last I checked, this program was called Toys for TOTS, not Toys for TEENS. You shouldn’t be getting toys, you should be out getting freaking job applications.

6. People will bitch and moan about everything, even if its free. Mothers who complain about the FREE toys that we gave them should not be allowed to have any toys. Seriously now…. give them and inch and they ask for a mile.

7. People getting drunk before 2pm and showing up to pick up toys? Pretty common sight if you ask me. Must be another lazy tuesday!

8. Most of the events are Christmas Parties. Marines, stop bitching if you have to attend “another Christmas party”…. you’re getting free food and beer all day, so quit whining.

9. Bikes. Freaking bikes. Bikes were the bane of my existence during my time with Toys for Tots. Whoever came up with that idea *coughDawncough* should be shot.

10. If you’re going to be part of the planning/coordination process, go on ADOS orders. At least you get paid full-time for your misery.

11. It is perfectly acceptable to punch a Lance Coolie in the face who tries to tell you how to do your job. As a matter of fact, if a Gunny, Master Guns, or some Major tries to do the same, they are all fair game too.

12. I’ve mastered sleep deprivation down to an art form, trying to juggle school full-time and doing this charitable act full-time at the expense of an average of 3-4 hours of sleep a day. The trick is to combine coffee (or Redbull if you’re ballsy enough) with Hydroxycut or Ripped Fuel at the same time, and pray your heart doesn’t explode from all the excitement.

13. One word: FLOAM. Trust me.



FINALLY,
Don’t trust your boss when he is “running for mayor”. He will screw you over, like he did with the other guys…. but then again, you should have seen it coming. Its just politics, baby.



Other than that, I would like to thank all of you who helped me out during this dreaded season. Remember, we did it for the kids!

Its time for Operation Sleep Deprivation.

Good news though,
So they actually trust me enough to be in charge of people.
No joke.

Too tired to comment about it.  Finals can suck a sweaty one, and I plan on doing absolutely nothing productive for the next 5 weeks.

Wait scratch that.  I just checked my bank account, I guess I’ll have to go back to work after all.

Manliness is really the willingness to sacrifice self for the benefit of others, particularly a man’s children, wife, family, neighbors and country.

Most young men are willing to die for the respect, admiration and love of a worthy and chaste woman. The problem is that interaction with most women today leads them quickly to the conclusion that few women are worth dying for.

Some will question the need for chastity as a requirement. However, from the male perspective, sex is the greatest compliment that a woman can pay to a man. Wouldn’t you agree that a woman who sleeps around devalues the compliment?

Sorry for not even keeping up on Xanga anymore, nobody even uses it i think.

New school, new job, and still in the military– whatever.  Student at University of Baltimore, Bartender, Weekend Marine Warrior.  New life, but same old.  Wait that doesn’t even make sense.

I’ve become somewhat of a hermit these days, but I’m still trying to decide whether my friends were the ones that drifted apart, or I was the one that decided to become a lone wolf by choice.  People are getting old, getting into relationships (wtf!) and even marriages, which means they’re always attached to their significant others’ hip at all times and can’t spend any time with their friends any more….. you know how its like.  People are getting old, and I’m the only one left still acting like an 18 year old.

I can’t even find a decent girl to hang out with these days myself.  Younger girls are flakes, older ones are either in a relationship or want a hardcore commitment if they’re single.  Yeah, forget that.  The only committment I could follow usually comes with a contract.  And I remember what happened the first time I didn’t read the fine print on the contract– I got sent to Iraq.  ha.

Two women that I find were somewhat interesting to be around with have changed for the worse.  One is a flake (and sadly older than me), and gets my hopes up too high every time and just disappoints me in the end.  Then again she has what I call “HBS”, or Hot Bitch Syndrome.  Hot women can pretty much act any way they want and get away with it, just because they’re fun to stare at.  This girl has a mild case of HBS, which flaking out (my biggest pet peeve in the world) is just a normal routine for her.  Yet I still persist….. sad, I know.

And the other one… well, she just lost interest.  I went from being a possible romantic interest, to very close friends (with benefits!), and nowadays I’ve been demoted to just a running partner to her, where she pretty much will only use me as a pacer on her afternoon runs.  Dead serious, “well you’re a fast runner Chris, so I like to try to keep up with you.”  Unfortunately she’s not that way outside of just being running partners now anymore.  We used to text message the shit out of each other, but lately either no response or just one-word answers.  No more hanging out at bars, her house, dinners, nothing.  Just running at a park.  I’ve been shut out of her life almost.

I’m just lost in the city, trying to find something or someone that would make me happy.

Now that I think about it, when I was active duty in the Marines, I was probably the most miserable, yet happiest at the same time.  Its such a BS job and environment, but I was around the coolest people in the world that I could trust.  Nowadays, I can’t depend on anyone anymore, and just going by a daily, monotone routine, hoping I could get lucky and find a break to accelerate my mood.

I apologize for the lack of humor lately.  I’ve seem to lost it to cynicism and disillusionment.  Maybe I’ll find it back one of these days.  For now, I’ll just put my headphones back on and get lost in my music and enjoy what I have left.

Maybe study or read a porn magazine too.  They have great editorials, seriously.