December 28, 2008

• Toys for... Teens?

  

  Donate toys, or be a bitch!

  As you all may or may not know, I was tasked to be in charge of Toys for Tots for Annapolis and Prince Georges county districts in Maryland this year for planning and coordination of special events, working alongside Ms. Dawn Stem (the civilian coordinator). It was a long and arduous process, and with the limited staff support I had, I basically worked my ass off to ensure that these events didn't suck. Unfortunately it sucked like hell for me, doing this job full-time while also going to school full-time.... and I was not getting paid any extra for volunteering for Toys for Tots.
  
  However, I did learn a few things over this past month-- it has been a crazy learning experience, and if any of you who never had experience in this or has been there with me, I hope you can walk away with these lessons learned.
  
  1. Dress Blues are NOT waterproof. And if you're wearing Under Armour thermals, it only works when its dry-- but once it gets wet, you're done.
  
  2. This is a three-part lesson.
  2.a. Planning and coordination really sucks when you have less than 10 reserve Marines to handle and they are busy with their regular lives on the weekdays in the daytime. Ironically, all of the events I could get were daytime weekday events.
  
  2.b. In direct correlation with (2.a.), getting my own Marines to sign up for events to volunteer is like twisting their arms, putting them in figure-four headlocks with a gun pointed at their genitals. You'll have an easier time teaching your puppy not to shit on the carpet.
  
  2.c. With that said, when people call/email in asking for Marines to go to their events, they tend to do it last-minute. Like this lady will call me wednesday morning asking me if I could send some of my Marines over this afternoon for her event..... You must be out of your crack-smoking mind, lady! I can't even get my Marines to sign up for events a WEEK from now, what makes you think I can get them here this afternoon?? Go away.
  
  3. Begging and groveling really works, whether over the phone or over the emails to try and convince your friends outside of the unit to help you out, or to get your way with these people who wants you to organize events for them (and you don't really feel like playing by their rules). Try it out if you need something done with whatever it takes, even if you must put your dignity on the line. You get used to it!
  
  4. Another three-parter:
  4.a . Prince Georges County in MD is a ROUGH neighborhood. It is virtually an extension of West Baltimore and South-east Washington DC, if you ask me. There's a reason why we have our warehouse and distribution center right at the PG County Police Department headquarters.
  
  4.b. There are alot more people with prior arrest records and outstanding warrants out for their arrest than you can imagine out in PG County. Especially when they find out that their toys are ready to be picked up at the PG County Police Department.
  
  4.c. Along with (4.b.), some residents of PG County actually believe that Toys for Tots is an elaborate sting operation, where you pick up the toys and then the cops bust you once you leave the area with the free goodies. Now that I think about it, its not a bad idea at all!
  
  5. Two Parts:
  5a. Mothers below the poverty line tend to have more than 5 kids. This is a pain when trying to bundle up toys for some mom who's trying to get all 8 of her kids toys. EIGHT kids... you don't need toys, you need lessons in birth control.
  
  5b. 18 year olds kids?? Are you serious?? No check that, I had a 20 year old in line trying to get toys. Last I checked, this program was called Toys for TOTS, not Toys for TEENS. You shouldn't be getting toys, you should be out getting freaking job applications.
  
  6. People will bitch and moan about everything, even if its free. Mothers who complain about the FREE toys that we gave them should not be allowed to have any toys. Seriously now.... give them and inch and they ask for a mile.
  
  7. People getting drunk before 2pm and showing up to pick up toys? Pretty common sight if you ask me. Must be another lazy tuesday!
  
  8. Most of the events are Christmas Parties. Marines, stop bitching if you have to attend "another Christmas party".... you're getting free food and beer all day, so quit whining.
  
  9. Bikes. Freaking bikes. Bikes were the bane of my existence during my time with Toys for Tots. Whoever came up with that idea *coughDawncough* should be shot.
  
  10. If you're going to be part of the planning/coordination process, go on ADOS orders. At least you get paid full-time for your misery.
  
  11. It is perfectly acceptable to punch a Lance Coolie in the face who tries to tell you how to do your job. As a matter of fact, if a Gunny, Master Guns, or some Major tries to do the same, they are all fair game too.
  
  12. I've mastered sleep deprivation down to an art form, trying to juggle school full-time and doing this charitable act full-time at the expense of an average of 3-4 hours of sleep a day. The trick is to combine coffee (or Redbull if you're ballsy enough) with Hydroxycut or Ripped Fuel at the same time, and pray your heart doesn't explode from all the excitement.
  
  13. One word: FLOAM. Trust me.
  
  
  
  FINALLY,
  Don't trust your boss when he is "running for mayor". He will screw you over, like he did with the other guys.... but then again, you should have seen it coming. Its just politics, baby.
  
  
  
  Other than that, I would like to thank all of you who helped me out during this dreaded season. Remember, we did it for the kids!

  • 1:53 am
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