February 11, 2008
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Pennsylvania, I hate thee
Since I drive to Philadelphia one weekend a month for Reserve drill weekend, I can cram so much road rage into one weekend more than what the average American experiences road rage on average per month.
Never have I driven on the most poorly maintained and confusing road system than from the state of PA, especially the city of Philadelphia. Useless dividers on the road everywhere you go. Like on Route 1, if you need to make a left turn onto it, you must make a right and drive 10 miles down the road before making a U-turn to go where you want, and if your destination is on the other side of the road, good luck traveling another 8 miles past it before making ANOTHER U-turn. Fuck you, City Planner of Philly, I hope your wife pulls a Lorena Bobbitt on you.
Philly drivers are fucking dickholes too. If there's plenty of space in front of you, they won't merge into your lane. Until the very last moment, when they don't know how to work a signal and cut you off.... no, RUN you off the road. And what the fuck is up with the random slamming-on-brakes out of nowhere in the middle of moving traffic? Bad cellphone conversation? Yeah fuck you, you're not that important.
Did I ever mention to you about them Eagles fans.
Yes, an Eagles fan is one of the most dangerous group of predators you will ever meet in the jungle, don't ever get caught talking shit about the Eagles in front of a fan or expect a punch in the face or a glass bottle over the head, followed by a steady stream of snowballs packed with piss and shrapnel. The only thing more dangerous than an Eagles fan is a GROUP of Eagles fans, especially while intoxicated. Don't ever wander into the Eagles stadium with an opposing team's jersey, the experience is guaranteed worse than a street ambush in the city of Fallujah or the Gates of hell. It shouldn't be a surprise that there is a courtroom built in the basement of the stadium and one pissed-off judge stationed there during games. Its fucking dangerous, just ask Santa Claus!
Better yet, this gangsta down here will tell you how dangerous Eagles fans are:
Go team!
Oh I almost forgot about Shittsburg, PA. Ok this one is too easy, but everyone knows by now that everyone from Shittburg is either a repeat sex offender or a prostitute. End of story.
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Yes, PA residents, I am expecting the flaming and hate mail hurled in my general direction. But in the end, you still lose for having the second shittiest state in the northeast. Hey, at least you guys can still make fun of New Jersey.
Comments (2)
A few of my friends lived in Philly for awhile. One of them told me that they saw a male Eagles fan try to start a fight with a girl at a bar because she said something bad about the team.
Other than the Eagles and their fans, I always liked Philly. People, especially girls, are much nicer than people in DC or New York. I like going out in Philly.
Philly cheesesteaks are overrated.
I pissed on NJ, we got lost in Philly, pulled over for a piss- and lo and behold it turns out we were actually in NJ. It wasn't one of the better places I've pissed on I must say...
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