December 7, 2007

  • THEM people...

    My aunt and uncle showed up with my cousin the other day, apparently I haven't seen any of them in years upon years.  Now cousin "G", we'll call him, who's only 15 years old, looks like he was fresh off the boat out of a BET commercial.  These guys are from Taiwan and only recently moved to Southern California, so their english isn't that good yet.  Especially "G", who supposedly kids these days have the propensity to be able to grasp the English language better than their parents.  What do we get here?  "G" not only dresses like something straight out of a Roca Wear catalog, but TALKS like one too.  In his broken accented ebonics.


    Accented ebonics.


    Now the Chinese accent is already funny enough (those of you whom have listened to Russell Peters' many diatribes over making fun of the Chinese accent would know what I'm talking about), but combining that 'CHAI-NEES ACK-SUNT!' along with Ebonics is so sad to the point that its hilarious..... Chinese Ebonoics, lol.  Lets call this "Chingbonics"


    I had to spend the most grueling few hours of my life when my parents asked me to take him around to the mall and hang out with "G" for a few hours.  First of all as a rule of thumb in any man's car-- you don't touch a man's radio unless he tells you to-- failure to comply can result in broken kneecaps or unwanted pregnancy (you get to choose).  I have my iPod wired up to my car stereo where I am the only one allowed to control it, and "G", in his Chingbonics insists on listening to "Soulja Boy" or any "duhhtee souf beeets" (Dirty South beats..... holy shit, i can't emulate his Chingbonics with text, its impossible).  I had to expose some REAL hiphop starting with some Talib Kweli, and apparently this pissed him off because he insisted on something he could "lean" to.  So I played rock music to piss him off even more.


    I run into my friend Pam at the mall, and listening to "G" trying to get his game on with her is probably the funniest and pathetic thing I have ever seen in my life.  Not only that, Pam is much taller (she's 5'6", imagine how short this guy is) and 10 years older than "G".  Anyone a mile away could tell the searing headache being injected into her frontal lobes, which somehow results in a facial expression that says what the fuck.


    You know what.... I forgot the whole point to this story.  In the end, I was ready to beat up my own cousin.  I somehow let him know what an idiot he is, and little guy starts throwing a temper tantrum, even with "nigga what you talking about?".  Under two circumstances would I have raped him in the mouth and thrown his lifeless body into a dumpster at that point-- if he wasn't my own cousin, and it was a dark alleyway.  I just shook my head and took him back home, also threatening to cauterize his genitals with a boxcutter if he tried to touch my radio on the ride home.  I even played rock music on the way back.


    I told my parents upon our return that not only am I disappointed in my own cousin, but if our honorable ancestors could see this right now they would shit themselves in the face and die again.  Chingbonics, geez.

Comments (10)

  • engrish!

  • rofl.

  • "Chingbonics"  ...that's good!

  • haha i think your lil' cousin just needs time to grow up, move into his mature stage and learn his english. most people go through this high school phase all the time and look back thinking how immature they were. hope everything else is going well with you :)

  • lol... chingbonics rock.  he's only 15; cut him some slack, will ya?  :rofl: 

  • some ting wong? LOL

  • hhaha. i know exactly what you're talkin' about . the whole rap/bling thing is really taking hold in taiwan. i havent been back in a while (my parents moved back to cali), but i see it in the pictures all the time. my school is going with the whole 'west coast/hyphy' thing, which i dont really understand.

    i would like to punch them in their throats too

  • I guess Cali does that to some people... Soulja Boy? Yikes.

  • ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!! Omfg, I don't think I've laughed that hard in a while.

  • But seriously, he's in his adolescent years which is all about trying on different identity roles and finding who you are as a person. Maybe he'll end up setteling for the stereotypical nerdy asian role of silently destroying the class curve and god aweful DDR skills...

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