September 24, 2007

  • Counseling

    My appointment is tomorrow morning, not sure what to expect but it seems like I probably shouldn't show up smelling like cheap whiskey.


    I've also decided to disarm myself partially.  I've moved the Sig into my trunk where it is not readily accessible while I am driving.  However, I still have a gun range membership that I would rather continue to utilize (since I paid a whole years worth already), so I'm not going to disarm myself completely.  I know gun control to a certain extent, but when I fall back into "combat mode"-- thats a whole different ballgame, and the other player is going down for good.


    Speaking of which, "combat mode" has nothing to do with rage.  Any servicemember who's been out there can tell you that much, its just a survival mechanism.  You're used to handling certain dangerous situations in this particular manner, where you were drilled into your head to trust your instincts to react for you-- you lock and load and start scanning for targets.  Locate, close in, and neutralize the target and continue with the mission.  Perfectly normal in a combat situation, but not at home understandably.  Which is what PTSD is all about-- things that you do in the theater of operations that is considered normal can get you in some serious trouble back home.  You get thrown into an insane situation and then you're expected to come home and act "normal" again.  Its a lot harder than it sounds.  A LOT harder.


    "Rage" is when someone reacts in a way that is completely irrational.  When a truck tries to run me off the road, I'm not thinking of just "what the fuck is this crazy driver doing?!", especially not when he comes back for a second and third time to mash up my car and boxing me into the shoulder lane.  When you try to kill someone just because they cut you off at the light, that's rage.  And when the person is flipping me the bird the entire time and screaming obscenities out the window at me while trying to run me off the road, I'm pretty sure that could be defined as rage.


    I reacted in a way that my mind percieved it as a serious threat to my life and the lives of others around me, and initially chose to defend myself in the only fashion that I am used to when my life is threatened-- neutralize the threat.  Permanently, so they don't come back and get you again.  Thats not rage...... that's self defense, although a bit extreme version of it.


    Had I chose to pull the trigger though, that could land me in some serious legal issues with the authorities.  I had to choose another alternative, which was to phone the police and let them handle it.  And I'm glad I snapped out of "combat mode" quick enough to find a safer, more legally-friendly alternative.

Comments (9)

  • I've always thought that's gotta be the biggest mindf*ck, being in a place that's so insane and inhuman and violent, and having to then all of a sudden go back to normal life and resume the normal rules most of us abide by in civilization.  How do you go back to "normal" after war?  I don't understand it, and am in awe of those who manage to do so.

  • do you think that flashing your weapons/guns (even if they're empty and the magazines/bullets are out) at a dude in rage who wants to kill you and run you off the road, like that one dude, would he take the hint and leave you alone?

  • I'm glad youre going to a counselor. I'm sure it will help... maybe even some med's as well. And, no, no smart-assness intended. Husband is going through the same thing, still, and hopefull will be getting his counseling referral soon. Talking helps. Putting the gun away helps. I keep ours in our safe on my side of the bed and I only know the code. Just show up wanting the help.

  • Glad you finally decided to take my fracking advice. Also to azn_qt1, in most places brandishing a firearms is a crime: empty or not.

  • Good luck with this! I hope you get good results.

  • I don't want to know(nor is it my right to know) but know, therapy does work, I have had it for the past few years, since I first became homeless. Good luck, I hope it works out.

  • I see what happened, sorry it went down like that. I hope things go better for you.

  • hey thanks... i'm doing alright, after all i went to al asad, which is nothing like fallujah of '04. hope you're doing well.

  • I'm really glad that you're going to see a councilor for PTSD, treated early, it can prevent it from becoming chronic. PS: My Halloween costume this year is going to be a skanky goth dress with cat ears, angel wings and a pitchfork with a sign that says "Every Girl On Campus"

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