September 19, 2008

• Sigh.

  Sorry for not even keeping up on Xanga anymore, nobody even uses it i think.

  
  

  New school, new job, and still in the military– whatever.  Student at University of Baltimore, Bartender, Weekend Marine Warrior.  New life, but same old.  Wait that doesn’t even make sense.

  
  

  I’ve become somewhat of a hermit these days, but I’m still trying to decide whether my friends were the ones that drifted apart, or I was the one that decided to become a lone wolf by choice.  People are getting old, getting into relationships (wtf!) and even marriages, which means they’re always attached to their significant others’ hip at all times and can’t spend any time with their friends any more….. you know how its like.  People are getting old, and I’m the only one left still acting like an 18 year old.

  
  

  I can’t even find a decent girl to hang out with these days myself.  Younger girls are flakes, older ones are either in a relationship or want a hardcore commitment if they’re single.  Yeah, forget that.  The only committment I could follow usually comes with a contract.  And I remember what happened the first time I didn’t read the fine print on the contract– I got sent to Iraq.  ha.

  
  

  Two women that I find were somewhat interesting to be around with have changed for the worse.  One is a flake (and sadly older than me), and gets my hopes up too high every time and just disappoints me in the end.  Then again she has what I call “HBS”, or Hot Bitch Syndrome.  Hot women can pretty much act any way they want and get away with it, just because they’re fun to stare at.  This girl has a mild case of HBS, which flaking out (my biggest pet peeve in the world) is just a normal routine for her.  Yet I still persist….. sad, I know.

  
  

  And the other one… well, she just lost interest.  I went from being a possible romantic interest, to very close friends (with benefits!), and nowadays I’ve been demoted to just a running partner to her, where she pretty much will only use me as a pacer on her afternoon runs.  Dead serious, “well you’re a fast runner Chris, so I like to try to keep up with you.”  Unfortunately she’s not that way outside of just being running partners now anymore.  We used to text message the shit out of each other, but lately either no response or just one-word answers.  No more hanging out at bars, her house, dinners, nothing.  Just running at a park.  I’ve been shut out of her life almost.

  
  

   

  
  

  

  
  

  I’m just lost in the city, trying to find something or someone that would make me happy.

  
  

   

  
  

  Now that I think about it, when I was active duty in the Marines, I was probably the most miserable, yet happiest at the same time.  Its such a BS job and environment, but I was around the coolest people in the world that I could trust.  Nowadays, I can’t depend on anyone anymore, and just going by a daily, monotone routine, hoping I could get lucky and find a break to accelerate my mood.

  
  

  I apologize for the lack of humor lately.  I’ve seem to lost it to cynicism and disillusionment.  Maybe I’ll find it back one of these days.  For now, I’ll just put my headphones back on and get lost in my music and enjoy what I have left.

  
  

  Maybe study or read a porn magazine too.  They have great editorials, seriously.

  • 12:05 pm
  • 4 Comments